Feeling Empty? Why Giving to Others Can Be the Path to Finding Yourself

Why Giving to Others Can Be the Path to Finding Yourself

In therapy and in popular culture, we often hear a familiar message: Focus on yourself. Do the inner work. Learn to love yourself first. There is truth in that. Self-awareness matters. But healing is not always solitary. In fact, many people who come to therapy are doing the self-work—and still feel deeply unfulfilled.

What’s often missing from that narrative is this: sometimes, the antidote to emptiness is not more introspection. It’s connection through contribution. It’s showing up for someone else in a meaningful way. Not because you’re trying to prove your worth. But because you remember you have it.

From philosophical traditions to religious teachings to contemporary psychology, altruism has long been recognized not just as a moral good—but as a psychological need.

The Psychology of Altruism: Why It Helps the Giver

When we give freely—without needing recognition or return—something profound happens internally. Our attention shifts away from self-focus. Our sense of usefulness and value increases. And our nervous system often settles, because we are engaging with the world in a way that feels coherent with our values.

Research shows that people who engage in consistent altruistic behavior experience:

• Lower rates of depression and anxiety

• Greater life satisfaction and purpose

• Improved cognitive functioning

• Stronger relationships and social integration

This is especially true when the giving is consistent, embodied, and connected to something larger than oneself.

When Giving Is Healing (Not Depleting)

Of course, giving can become unhealthy. Many people—especially caregivers, therapists, parents, and those who grew up in enmeshed families—learned to give as a way of disappearing. To meet everyone else’s needs while ignoring their own.

That’s not the kind of giving we’re talking about here.

What we’re talking about is chosen, values-aligned giving. Acts of contribution that feel nourishing, not extracting. Giving that says: I matter. And because I matter, what I give matters too.

If You’re Feeling Empty, Consider These Paths to Meaningful Giving

If you are someone who is doing the inner work, showing up to therapy, practicing mindfulness—and still feel disconnected—consider these invitations to connect outward:

1. Become a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate)
CASA volunteers advocate for children in foster care, ensuring their needs are seen in court, school, and home. You do not need legal experience—only time, care, and commitment. It is one of the most direct ways to offer presence to a child navigating instability.

2. Volunteer at a Hospital or Hospice
Many hospitals offer volunteer programs where you can sit with patients, help families navigate resources, or simply offer kindness. Being near vulnerability can soften the edges of our own.

3. Consider Fostering a Child or Teen
Fostering is not for everyone. But for those who are called to it, it can be a life-altering act of service. Even short-term placements can provide stability and care during critical periods.

4. Join a Spiritual or Service-Based Community
Whether through a faith tradition, meditation group, or interfaith service circle, shared spiritual practice often deepens the experience of meaning and connects us to something bigger than our individual stories.

5. Cook and Give Nourishment
Cook a meal for someone who is grieving. Host a dinner for friends who feel isolated. Bring food to shelters or community fridges. Feeding others is one of the oldest forms of love.

6. Babysit for a Friend or Single Parent
If you’re not ready to foster or parent but long to nurture, offering time to overwhelmed caregivers can be a deeply appreciated gift—and an affirming experience for you.

7. Realign Your Career with Purpose
Sometimes the emptiness is a sign that your daily work is no longer in alignment with your values. Consider whether a shift—small or large—might bring you closer to the kind of impact you want to have.

Giving Is Not a Distraction from Healing—It Is Often Part of It

In therapy, I sometimes ask: What if helping others was not a detour from your growth, but part of your path toward it?

Healing is not always about turning inward. It can also be about stepping outward, showing up for someone else, and in doing so, remembering your own strength, compassion, and capacity to matter.

If you feel disconnected, adrift, or emotionally tired—not because you haven’t tried, but because you’re still searching for something that feels alive—it may be time to look not just within, but around.